Listening

In her book, Listening with the Whole Body, Sheila Frick asserts that listening is active, voluntary, dynamic and continually adapting.

                                      Hearing and eyesight are passive;

                                      Listening and vision are active

They require the brain to act upon, perceive, interpret and store information. They are cognitive functions that distinguish human beings.

Let me share another Classic stuff. During my training in Shanghai, in one of the modules we learnt that the (traditional) Chinese character for listening is written as:

When translated into English, the Chinese symbol is made up of five elements:

• You
• Your ears
• Your eyes
• Your heart
• Your undivided attention

Did you get that!!! When we listen to each other carefully we become observers of nonverbal behaviors that reveal what words may not. Facial expressions, eye contact, gestures, use of touch and other aspects of body language construe perhaps 75–80% of the "communication iceberg."

So listen. listen carefully. moreover, if you have something delicate to discuss, try to do it in person.

Essentially, the Chinese symbol for the verb “to listen” reads –
“I give you my ears, my eyes, my undivided attention and my heart” -
a Great definition of listening, isn’t it?

Some people ask questions for the sake of asking questions they rarely hear the answers. Others never stop talking long enough to warrant a response.

Listening is all about being there at that moment in time

It isn’t checking your watch because you have three more meeting to attend, nor is it staring around at the other people in the room while the other person is talking. It is about showing respect and taking an interest. The speaker has given up their time to see you, this is the first step to a successful meeting, don’t blow it because your attention span doesn’t stretch far enough!

Here are some essential rules to Good listening;

1. Listen without judgment. The purpose of dialogue is to understand, not judge right or wrong, good or bad. When you judge, you are conversing with yourself, not another.

2. Listen to fully understand and then respond – and only in that order. If you didn’t understand say so and ask again

3. Listen for understanding. You don’t have to agree or believe... just understand.

4. Ask clarifying questions. These assist understanding. Qualify what you have heard e.g. “So if I heard you right, you are saying that…”

5. Suspend assumptions. You know you are making an assumption if you are annoyed or upset.

6. There will be a point when you become conscious that you stopped listening, turn it back on again. If you think you missed something important, politely cover it off again

7. Make "I" statements. Speak for yourself, not "everyone."

8. Take ownership of what you say.

9. Suspend status. All are equal in the dialogue process: no seniority or hierarchy.

10. Honor confidentiality.

11. Create a safe space for self-expression.

12. Speak one at a time. When two people are talking at once, neither is listening.

13. Respect silence. Take time to reflect on what you heard and how you want to respond.

Happy listening! :-)